The BLOG
People-Pleasing, Trauma, Emotional Safety, Confidence, Relationships & Therapy
Exploring the psychology behind the patterns, thoughts and experiences that can be difficult to make sense of — from people-pleasing, overthinking and self-doubt to masking, boundaries, relationships, identity and self-expression.
Written by Charlotte Bailey, BABCP-accredited psychotherapist, speaker and spoken-word poet, drawing on over 15 years' experience in mental health.
Here you'll find psychological insights, relatable examples and practical ideas to help you understand yourself and the experiences that shape how you think, feel and relate to others.
3 Reasons Why You Might Be A People-Pleaser
Firstly, it’s important to move away from thinking of people-pleasing as just a fixed personality trait or ‘ just the way you are’. Instead, we should see it for what it truly is: a coping strategy.
People-pleasing is an ingenious coping mechanism that you likely developed in childhood to help meet certain needs or to protect yourself from perceived threats.
Here are 3 key reasons why you may have developed this coping strategy
How Do I Stop People-Pleasing?
If you’re asking yourself, ‘why can’t I stop people-pleasing?’ It’s because unfortunately, it's not easy! People-pleasing often stems from deeper issues which is why I encourage people-pleasers to engage in a therapy approach focused on addressing the root cause rather than teaching you ways to 'manage' how it feels. But, if accessing therapy isn’t possible, here are 6 ways to work towards stopping people-pleasing
How Do You Know If You Need Therapy?
It can be difficult to recognise when you might benefit from therapy, particularly if you’re someone who tends to prioritise others' needs over your own! This challenge is compounded by the common misconception things must be ‘bad enough’ before seeking support. In reality, therapy is most effective before a crisis hits, when you’re more capable of fully engaging in the process. Here are 10 signs that indicate therapy would be helpful.
What is the Fawn Response? People-Pleasing as a Trauma Response
Do you find yourself giving more to others than you get back, avoiding confrontation at all costs, or changing your personality to fit in? If so, you might be engaging in the fawn response. Understanding the fawn response can help you address the root cause of your people-pleasing tendencies and enable you to break free from the associated anxiety and low self-esteem, and embrace your authentic self