The BLOG
People-Pleasing, Trauma, Emotional Safety, Confidence, Relationships & Therapy
Exploring the psychology behind the patterns, thoughts and experiences that can be difficult to make sense of — from people-pleasing, overthinking and self-doubt to masking, boundaries, relationships, identity and self-expression.
Written by Charlotte Bailey, BABCP-accredited psychotherapist, speaker and spoken-word poet, drawing on over 15 years' experience in mental health.
Here you'll find psychological insights, relatable examples and practical ideas to help you understand yourself and the experiences that shape how you think, feel and relate to others.
Overapologising: Why do I keep apologising - and how do you stop saying sorry?
Sorry seems to be the hardest word…. for people-pleasers not to say! If you’re familiar with saying yes when you want to say no then I imagine you’re familiar with saying sorry when someone walks into you in the supermarket, or before you let the restaurant know they got your food wrong. So why do you keep overapologising - and how do you stop saying sorry all the time?
What Is People-Pleasing – and Why Don’t We Always Realise We’re Doing It?
For a long time, I never thought I was a people-pleaser.
I just thought I was being kind. The one people could rely on. And thinking that felt good, because if we’re honest, who doesn’t want to be the one people know they can turn to when they need help?
Externally my behaviour suggested I was: Easygoing. Helpful. Laid Back.
Internally I felt: Mentally and Physically Exhausted. Wired. Resentful (but guilty for feeling that way), Anxious, Uncertain. Doubting. Self-conscious. On Edge…like I was stuck in hyper vigilance, on the look out for who, what, where and when I’d be needed and always feeling responsible for making sure everyone else felt ok.
Why does it feel like you have no choice?
Have you ever felt trapped by the expectations of others - like saying no simply isn’t an option? That feeling of not having a choice is at the heart of people-pleasing. This blog explores where this belief come from, and how can you start to break free from it
ADHD, Feeling ‘too much’, and the path to People-Pleasing & Approval-Seeking
Do you find yourself constantly seeking reassurance from others? Worrying about how you’ll be perceived.? Approval-seeking is especially common among adults with ADHD.
Overt and Covert People-Pleasing: What’s the difference?
If you’ve ever found yourself juggling other people’s needs while your own sit untouched on the sidelines, you might already know you’re a people-pleaser.
But what if those habits are so subtle that even you don’t see them?
There’s overt people-pleasing, the kind we can all spot, and then there’s covert people-pleasing, which is harder to pin down but just as exhausting. Knowing the difference is a game-changer for anyone ready to break free from putting others first all the time.
Why Do We Try So Hard to Please Others? Understanding the Role of Social Anxiety and Low Self-Worth
Many of us try really hard to keep others happy, but the reasons behind this can be different for each person. Two common reasons are social anxiety and low self-worth, and while they might look the same from the outside, what drives them is quite different.
Why Do I Get Burnout So Easily?
People-pleasing might feel like it's keeping the peace, but over time, it can have serious consequences for your mental and physical health and you could be on a slipper slope to burnout.
3 Reasons Why You Might Be A People-Pleaser
Firstly, it’s important to move away from thinking of people-pleasing as just a fixed personality trait or ‘ just the way you are’. Instead, we should see it for what it truly is: a coping strategy.
People-pleasing is an ingenious coping mechanism that you likely developed in childhood to help meet certain needs or to protect yourself from perceived threats.
Here are 3 key reasons why you may have developed this coping strategy